1st person singularity…tortures of the damned.

Trying to lose consciousness. Some meds and some beer – starting to get a little blank but still have enough nervous damn energy to keep pacing around looking for …
Looking for what?

Imagine having a brain hemorrhage. Merciful respite from the familiar routine. A bad headache and then … the world as we know it ceases to exist. Suppose that if one imagines hard enough, one can give oneself a brain hemorrhage?

I think I was trying the brain hemorrhage thing even before I was 5. I recall it began with the largest stone I could  throw. I heaved it straight up into the air as high as I could manage, then quickly positioned myself beneath to receive its blow. A disappointment in some ways – no brain hemorrhage as far as I can tell,  just a great deal of blood seeping through my crew cut and covering my face.  I must have been quite a sight.  My ma found me hours later  playing outside & thought I’d been eating chocolate and had somehow melted it all over my head.

For some odd reason the word hemorrhage is reminding me of the word boomerang.  Possibly because of my method of utilization of the aforementioned stone.  Its strange.  The mind plays tricks.  We are simultaneously the victims and the causal agent.  I suppose this is how every moment presents itself.